I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
