Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
