Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize