He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
