Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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