i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
