my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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