I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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