My liver just broke up with me...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
