I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
