I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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