Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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