we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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