I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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