jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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