Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
