If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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