OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
