hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize