I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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