honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
