Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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