So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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