He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
