just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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