you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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