the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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