oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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