Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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