i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
