It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
