My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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