my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
