im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this just has baby written all over it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
