i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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