I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
