I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
