dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
