you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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