it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
