Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
