woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
