Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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