Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
