How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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