apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
