So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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