I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
