note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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