The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
