Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
