Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
