my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
