After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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