You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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