I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
