Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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