i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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