He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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