i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
