Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
