I need to stop coming to work sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
