It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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