One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
