Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
