my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
