i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
COCAINE IS GR8
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
